The weather is the same everywhere
I got homesick // I tried to find community in a commercial space // I found out that everyone hates the same thing (even if it's different)
Hi, I’m Sabine. In case you are new to this space: I am a 33-year-old woman from Hamburg, Germany who recently decided to do an adult gap year in Montpellier, France. This is my monthly letter to my friends (and anyone who’s curious).
This letter has a full audio version - inspired by
Hi friends.
How have you been? Do you miss me? Because I definitely miss you!
Another month of living abroad has gone by and time keeps flying. This time, it is not because I had too much fun, so don’t get jealous yet. The days are blurring into each other because I have settled into a routine, which felt necessary after my beautiful long summer break.
Work started again and so did everything else that belongs to regular life: listening to the news, going to the post office, train schedules, falafel sandwiches, doctor’s appointments, way too much Netflix, etc.
Ironically, these mundane things made me miss home the most. Especially when I felt annoyed, tired or sad, I just wanted to be in Hamburg. My most hilarious thought came to me at 3 a.m., during a serious bout of PMDD insomnia: “I can stay here and become someone new - or I can just go home and be myself!”
HAHAHA. The self-importance! The drama! The prose! But I have to give myself some credit for the situation. I had a point: at least my bed in Hamburg doesn’t give me back pain on top of my monthly existential dread.
Since you are receiving this letter from Montpellier, you see that I did not actually book a flight back to Germany. I rode out my hormonal depression until I finally started to feel like myself again. Also, I found a way to live with my new mattress: I wrap myself in the thick hotel blanket like a burrito. It feels wintery, but in a very comforting way.
I’m obviously not going to become someone new, because “wherever you go, there you are” and this month I found out that wherever you are, you will sometimes ask yourself: “What the fuck am I even doing here?”.
What I’m doing in France is taking a crash course in living. One of these should be mandatory every few years, I think. My last one was when I got into freelancing: I had to learn how to self-motivate, not to get anxious about finding clients, and not to accidentally commit a crime when filling out tax forms. This time, I took myself completely out of my environment to find out what is worth re-building in a new place. It’s a pretty radical approach, but I think it is starting to work.
Maybe you will receive a full summary of my findings before I return, or I will surprise you with a slightly but perceptibly overhauled version of me. Let’s see! I’m already looking forward to seeing you, anyway. Someone want to come and visit me in November or December?
Bisous,
Sabin(e)
Co-Living Update
The beginning of community
Despite what I just told you, September had its highlights, too. One of them is that social life at our Co-Living is finally starting to take off.
I had anticipated that getting to know people in a big commercial place like this would be more difficult than in an intimate shared house like the one our hosts from last year have in Italy, but I underestimated how much.
In the beginning, this space felt like the wework of Co-Living. The interior design and layout are those of a hotel, except that there is a common room for longterm residents on each floor. Ours is shared only between five or six people. It’s huge and stylish. The staff wipes down the surfaces every day.
And that’s why it doesn’t exactly feel like home, let alone a shared home. To me, there is an air of “don’t bother me”, a weird reservedness that I have also felt in Co-Working spaces.
It is perfectly possible to cook at a time when there is no one else in the kitchen, and even if someone does come in, you don’t need to say more than hi. I have been guilty of this because on some days, it’s a relief not having to be social. In general, it proves the point that for community to be built, someone needs to do the actual work of building.
On our floor, we have just started to do so – after being stuck in polite smalltalk land for a bit, we all took some additional little steps this month. I designated a shelf for sharing things in the kitchen, someone else opened a WhatsApp group, most of us went to an ice breaker event organized by the team. And this weekend, we had a cute little movie night where we lounged on our big sofas together, pretty much like I imagined two months ago.
The French Section
Everyone hates the weather
Okay, so I know that I have it good over here. Even though the temperature has been similar to Hamburg, there is always enough sunshine. Well… except if you ask the locals. I didn’t anticipate this, but it kind of makes sense: bad weather is a matter of perspective. If you are used to long, hot summers, it is valid for you to feel sad once you can’t wear shorts anymore (shorts!!!). It is also valid to postpone a festival because of rain (rain!!!), when you can rely on the new date to be sunny.
Complaining about the weather isn’t just an international competition of who has it worst (I used to think it was me). Having to adapt to the seasons seems to be hard for everyone. So now, I am worried that during a perfectly mild winter, my French friends might be just as reluctant to leave their houses as we are in Germany. Coucou to my Co-Living-mate from Iceland - I am counting on you!
What’s going on in your life, friends? Let me know in the comments, via e-mail… or just send me a voicenote if you have my number.
Ooooh wie schöön, danke für den warmen und lieben shoutout!! 😍 ich höre mir jetzt deinen Artikel an und lasse mich von deiner schönen Lesestimme beim Kaffeetrinken begleiten 😌
Mir fällt dazu auch immer der sehr ähnliche Satz ein: man nimmt sich überall selbst mit hin.
Ich habe mir auf jeden Fall die letzten Wochen ein Beispiel an deinem Vermögen, dich zu amüsieren, genommen, da es mir abhanden gekommen war. Es stellte sich heraus (für mich): es ist ortsunabhängig. Ein neuer Ort mit komplettem Perspektivwechsel kann es vermutlich aber noch mehr kickstarten.